Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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