i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
