corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Randomize
