i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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