he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
