I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
