It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
