The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
