The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I have demons in me.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
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