I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
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