haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
