He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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