My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
50% drunk capacity currently
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
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