by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
