I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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