2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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