Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
