dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
