Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
oh god the rape fog is back!
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
