i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Someone came in the potted fern
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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