If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
me + whiskey = a bad person
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
