i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
