if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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