my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
