Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
