unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
