i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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