Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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