Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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