I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
