If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
