I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
