How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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