I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
