my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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