That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
