so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
