I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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