You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
We're too hungover to prance.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
