so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
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