My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
