My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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