The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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