Where is the hickey?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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