Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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