I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
