I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
