The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
