Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
