No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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