I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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