ya dads aren't the best wingmen
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
So much Jack, so little girl.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
