peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
