"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
