I like to think it a success when the cops are called
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I need mimosas to revive my soul
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
