Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
