Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
