just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
